I keep Running Into Myself

                                                                 DARK PLACES

     The thing about dark places is that it makes you confront the thing that bothers you the most, the cards are now either faced up, or down based on the choice you decide to make. I have been to dark places-sadly -much more often than I think I deserved and what keeps bringing me there is the choices that I make.

       I wish I am able to see myself sometimes from a distance, just to stop me from arriving at such places. Dark places were designed to weigh heavily on the heart, make you sigh, make you dream of the light again, but most importantly to make you dream of a future where all the wrong is set right. Your dark places will also serve as a constant reminder for you to know-not to make the same mistake twice, but the mind is a tricky thing and the heart untamable, you will make other mistakes that will forever open the revolving door, shunting you back to the dark places. My advice-stay awake-try to find a solution-always, don't stay in the dark for too long, it will consume you, eat you, make you feel powerless, but remember who you are and that where you are now is not where you will stay. 

        I don't know where your dark places are or where they will lead you, I don't even know where my dark places are, all I know is that I just occasionally arrive at these places. LET US continue to fight when we arrive at these points in life because we deserve COMPLETE HAPPINESS, not half but the whole heart, no secrets, no lies, not silence but truth and complete honesty, not violence but peace. We deserve to be loved as if we knew were to die any moment, no avoidance but Honey I see you and I am here-all of me-here. We deserve the look into our eyes and the kisses on the foreheads type of love and completeness. 

        I believe I found love once, twice maybe thrice-not completely sure but somehow all three times I made the wrong choice- with each leading me to a dark place, but the darkest place I'VE been to is here. I thought I found love-to which I gave myself- I gave all of me, only to feel the greatest pain womankind can ever feel- alone, loss, rejected, denied, avoided, utter silence and ultimately feeling used and an impending feeling of being discarded. Being married and stuck in such a place is mental and physical torture. The pain and anguish I feel every day haunts my nights and the only light I see is my 9 month old daughter and my soon to be born son. They keep my heart warm and my soul thirsty for true love again, even amongst all the financial debts that I find myself in, I am confident that not only true love will find me but financial freedom will arrive as well. As I writer through the tears that flows from my eyes and flooded my face I pray for me, but I pray for you as well, that help will arrive and that the ports of happiness and wealth will never fail to dock in our lives. I am hopeful and I am working towards my goals despite failures and setbacks. Please do the same. Let dark places be filled with lights. We are beautiful and our smile is even more beautiful than the moon at nights. We are strong. WE..ARE..WOMEN.

My love; This one's for you

I have been through so many changes and over the years I have grown so much and the more I grow the more I try to understand people. I have loved and I have experienced loss but the greatest of them all is the fear of loosing what you now love. The soul never recovers and the emotions flood your soul at the most inconvenient of times. My husband is everything i ever wanted and more, we started out on a difficult path but i know we will find our way. When i look into his deep brown eyes i am swept away every time. I pray the we will stay faithful and true with each other. Our trust was broken because of distance and uncertainty but now we are going to be together and we are going to fight for each other as long as God sits on the Throne.

I just want to tell you that i love you, i love you Cleon Hall and i have no idea where this life will take us but wherever we land let us remain together forever. Let us try to understand each other and care for each other like i am you and you me. I love you

“Sensitive people are the most genuine and honest people you will ever meet. There is nothing they won’t tell you about themselves if they trust your kindness. However, the moment you betray them, reject them or devalue them, they become the worse type of person. Unfortunately, they end up hurting themselves in the long run. They don’t want to hurt other people. It is against their very nature. They want to make amends and undo the wrong they did. Their life is a wave of highs and lows. They live with guilt and constant pain over unresolved situations and misunderstandings. They are tortured souls that are not able to live with hatred or being hated. This type of person needs the most love anyone can give them because their soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what they have to go through in life, they remain the most compassionate people worth knowing, and the ones that often become activists for the broken hearted, forgotten and the misunderstood. They are angels with broken wings that only fly when loved.” ― Shannon L. Alder

As The Birds Fly

We never once dream of losing you, for letting go meant losing a part of us that really cared. We cried that October night and every night there-after. The birds flew by the window one at a time and I knew you were gone, both of you-our sweet Angels. Loosing your life even before you have lived is an unspoken tragedy that no Mother or Father should endure, but there I was-my husband and I, grief stricken and astonished. Now as we sail into 2020, I can't help but to think about you, Cleona and Chloe Mommy and Daddy love you more than life itself. I pray that you are in heaven with the Angels and that they are showing you guys around and taking care of you for us, we are not there yet so I have entrusted them to watch over you while you watch over mommy and daddy down here. We love you both and if there's a word or action that is greater than love, we will gladly show it. We hope to see you babies again. Take care and continue to smile upon us.
Love Judian & Cleon Hall

                                The Guitar Man: The night before I met you.

           The night before I met you I met the guitar man, he told stories of his younger self in sweet music, he sang of happiness and nostalgia all at once. The guitar man warns you of a sad ending to a happy start; a confusious state to which I couldn't relate,  but yet I sang, I sang along . I sang the melodies with the guitar man, melodies of tunes that were memories of him and her; that once were but will never be again.

 He was the guitar man. 

         He sang of horses and sunset; of morning and roses but in the evening the mood fell and the feeling of loneliness and lusting crave sweep the air. Never have  I imagined but we cried as he played "Her Hair" the softness and purity in his voice made me wonder how can someone be so heartless to the guitar man. I began to wonder  as Robert Frost did -will the world end in fire or ice? but for the lonely singer tonight it was clear it ended in ice; for his youth was gone; still  each night he replayed years that could not be returned,  un-repairable feelings that were still plaguing his mind-skillfully captured with each stroke of his fingers under the moonlight.

         I wondered as I listened each night, he never played for tips, he never spoke to his audience, but his music was lit and his emotions strong. As he played his last song of Angels and Flames I wondered how long I was lost in his chant, to leave now was impossible because I loved this last one. I listened and  my ears was set on fire and my spirit burned to ashes that quickly re flamed;  I Listened how he fought for the possession of his last companion without success.

        Secretly my soul have searched for such talent without the sorrows of a broken heart, but none could I find. My heart bleed within me as the song came to an end for such life I got from such a sad melancholy tune was sweet and pure. 

Then as I turned to walk away I saw you standing there, there was nothing natural about the way you looked at me, the way your eye lit as I walked away. I remember your voice as you spoke to me     "ma'am you dropped your purse" little did I know that my muscles became completely relaxed after seeing your body glistened in the moonlight that I quickly forgot I was holding a purse. As I turned to meet your gaze I became your instrument and you the master, we were connected along wires we never knew existed. That night I was in need of a savior for tomorrow I would be listening and searching to the tunes played by the guitar man.

By

Judian N. Watson

                                               BONNE ANNEE

On this day with less than one hour left for the new year, I  would like to take this time out to reflect on my accomplishment of last year. I am in every way very thankful. This new year will find me  living and doing me. All my GOOD AND PROSPEROUS dreams and aspiration will be revealed in the year 2015. AMEN!

Let us be happy, let us say thank you, let us take charge and live it up in 2015. I have dream of a lot, I have my to do list filled up, I have my pad and pencil in hand ready to cross of as I soar through 2015.

I  dream of being a lover, I have dream that I am a lover- so be dear to me, so treat me well cause I am here to love you. I am here to keep the fire burning within us. I love you Mr. Robert.

Its time to realized that I'd rather be lonely than be in love half way. If you love me declare it and be assertive. Love cannot be half way, because when love puts us through the fire we will melt and wither away. We need something that will last, something that will endure, something that will keep the glow bright. If you are unaware of how you truly feel about me at this point then moving forward with you is pointless, its been 7 months now. Time will tell, it always do even thought its a slow process but it will be revealed soon -or maybe I will get tired of waiting for your love completely and just sail east where reality is waiting. Be careful because when I fall in love it will be forever and I cannot break a perfect relationship to be with you months or even years later because you have now decided that you've made up your mind. I cannot argue with you if you say that you love me but you are not at that level where you are deeply and wholeheartedly in LOVE with me;But just know this- when i'm gone....I'm gone for good , but for now I LOVE YOU.

The way I miss him

I stand beneath the umbrella, remembering the way he tasted. His lips massaging mine and his tongue plunging into the heat of my soul. The softness of his voice whispering his love for me is too much. My knees trembled for his voice is enough to make me weak with need. I look up to the skies and see the brown of his eyes watching over me. I drop the umbrella to feel the raindrops turn to his kisses over my face. I need him. I miss him. I love him.... AlWAYS (Kadian Tracey)

I still remember the way he moved over my body, as silk over satin that night. I would give anything to stay within that moment. He held me close and I welcomed his arms, feeling  him again made me wail within and secretly prayed that we will never be separated again. I love this man with everything I have, I would give anything for him because he loved me whole heartedly. Over and over he proved to me that he needed me and is willing to risk it all to make sure I am safe. But tonight faith has brought him back to me where he belong for I am his and he is mine without reservation.

 Our soul feasted over each other as we made love, I remembered the warm water as it bathe my body while his tongue massage my pores in the shower.Then as he kissed me, kissed my neck, my shoulders and the back of hand-I cried wondering why I traveled leaving my man behind. But I am here now and I will not leave his side until he ushers me away-which is unlikely for tomorrow we tie the knot tomorrow, but for now shopping for breakfast is the target before I catch a cold.

Judian N. Watson

Ms. Graduate!

Being in nursing school was ridiculously tiresome. There were days when you not only feel like giving up but the feeling of  losing your mind sounded like an excellent idea!.There were  days when you feel like a million bucks just landed in your hand and other days you feel as if someone robbed it right from beneath your very eyes. But whatever  the case I stuck it out, I slept at nights with books hanging out of my dreams, professors eating at my very core for assignments, research papers,and  finals awaiting on isle two. I stuck it out. Now I've passed and i'm moving on!
                                               

                                                Thanks to everyone who supported me during this time
                                                 My Sis Kady
                                                   Elvis Chi
                                                  Godlove